” Life must be rich and full of loving–it’s no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone.” Jack Kerouac
‘’ The dawning day can never hide the sun, my dear. The same way the setting sun can’t ever hide the moon, my darling‘’ He said with a smile. And then, after a few seconds he added. ‘’ So laugh my love, this is all beyond our control… You belong with me. Don’t you see? ‘’
She smiled and giggled. She was beginning to… to see, to understand, to believe in him and in his blind sureness of a life to come. It was just a beginning, but it was there.
Some people just cannot deal with problems at all and all they can do is escape. Escapism, one might call it. Wounds of the past die hard indeed, but without dwelling into them accurately, one is merely replicating potential patterns and avoiding things before they have even begun. Is it foolish? Is it wise? It’s both. Where as it might be wise to avoid signals that create red flags and alerts in our brains, it is equally as foolish to spend our lives running from that which might really touch our hearts. Conflicts are a way to understand, to bring things into light… That’s all. As soon as they emerge, they can just as easily be dissolved into ashes, by simply talking and understanding. It is selfish, to shut down… it is even a little bit childish because it has nothing to do with what is actually occurring, but with the fear that something from the past might, eventually, happen again. Deep down, the only thing that these people do is avoid the complexity that comes with emotions like they were talking about the black plague. Not because it could be good, (because it is good already, otherwise there wouldn’t be anything to escape from) but because there is a chance that along with the good, something ‘’bad’’ might also occur: fights, compromises and conflicts. It’s not a probability, it’s the truth… because it will. That’s what relationships are in the first place: a devotion, a choice to surrender to the good and to the bad, a belief that the good will far outweigh the bad, every single day. But escapism, the choice not to commit is a choice to not devote, to not be in the relationship in the first place, checking out before it has even had a chance to begin. And what’s even more incomprehensible is that they do it all in the name of a certain peace and freedom, but it is not so… The only thing they are really escaping from is themselves. It’s just a twisted illusion. The real free of heart, however, don’t need to escape anything. They live, freely giving and taking, without bringing in the weights and scars of the past, without going into flight or fight mode at all. They are like the wind…. dancing through life, forgetting about the downfalls, because they know that whatever occurs never really shakes them away from that safe place they have inside of them. They are unmovable rocks, as giving as the sun, as sure as the bright stars, forever glowing, ever fixed, ever unchanging, ever flying through the heavens carelessly free with a love so great in front of them, nothing and no one can ever scare them away from anything… If they want to talk, they talk. If they feel the need to explain something, they do it. Their lives are not run by fear and dread, but by honesty and freedom. They are like lions and tigers, ever giving, ever protecting, not little rabbits running from foxes.
‘’ So please, my darling… can we be lions now? ‘’
Into this burning light,
I must be brave, once more,
I want to let it all go, but I cannot,
I need to move closer into myself,
This burning flame, pouring down on me,
I am strong, I am that endless source.
I am raised, I am shaken, I am whole,
You give me back all of me.
I want to come home again,
But I am here, in this fragile skin,
I want to be like the stars and the sun,
Always in eternal light and bliss,
But I am bound to this mortality,
To this space where I find myself rooted.
I can take it all, fiercely, proudly…
Like a cross to carry into paradise,
You left yourself inside of me,
We are this divine, as we come into one.
As I long, so too I endlessly love.
Come darling, move as one with me,
It’s the only fragment of the endless,
Which can be lived in this broken mortal coil.
The only piece of heaven and honour,
That belongs in this human breathe,
It’s the only thing that makes it all ok.
We all know that we are not supposed to love with a love that becomes dependent…. we are supposed to be completely devoid of any attachments, any level of reassurance at all. On paper of course…. but even if that was easy to do, and we could all fly around as if we don’t give a shit about anything and everyone… I wonder… is it desirable?? Who wants to live a life, completely free?? Let’s not forget that it is deep longing and desire that creates the most wonderful pieces of art. Let’s not forget that that insane craving…. longing to hold, to kiss, to melt, to give and to caress…. is the one thing that composes all the greatest love stories of the world. It is not a detached, ” I’ll see you when I see you… ” it is not a ” until we meet again… ” it is not, ” I like being with you, but I also love being with myself… ” ohhhhh no. It is an all consuming passion, a torment that is both sour and incredibly sweet… a deep deep longing that can never be satisfied. Now… those who don’t feel like that, who don’t go into the depths of the soul, into the hidden corners of the heart, and don’t give all of themselves in the name of love… well then, they don’t deserve love at all. I think the psychopath, for example, adores this type of detached behaviour. But us, the ones who feel, as humans… with hearts and souls… we are sensitive beings, longing to deeply connect… not because we need it but because we long for it. Because even being whole, ( which we are) we still want someone to hold us at night and tell us how beautiful we really are. We still want a million deep kisses in the twilight and that glowing ecstasy that comes in our veins. Can that happen, as freedom? Not really….. if we loveeeee we want them there by our side. We want them Here, inside our hearts. We crave, we desire and we surrender to the deep melodies that seem to come straight from heaven and we forget that we have become, completely addicted to each other. It’s beautiful….. it’s a beautiful passionate way to live with an intensity that comes and never subsides. Deeply loving is giving our hearts, yet, keeping them. Not because it is a choice but because it is the truth. That infinitely beautiful connection might be all consuming, like a flame that never goes out, but it is only in one level. In another level… a deeper level, we are indeed always whole. Even if our hearts don’t really know it at all. Our souls do. It’s a delicate dance this beautiful life of love….. it really is. Shall we dance? Can you hear the music?
Sometimes our world is about what we experience out there: the travels, the landscapes, the architecture and the beautiful sunsets. But sometimes, it’s the complete opposite, and it’s not about what is going on around us at all. it’s not about where we are, what we see, or what we do. It’s merely about what is going on inside of us: the things we feel, the dreams we dare to dream, how far (or how close) we are from achieving them, the things we long for that seem so distance and yet so near, and all of the fluttering emotions that seem to dance and cry within our souls. It’s about a complex inner world that is as deep as the endless ocean and as wide as the farthest universe. And when it is, about those inner depths, there are no worlds that matter at all. One must simply dive into that lightness and darkness, (express them, feel them, create with them, dance away in the moonlight, laugh it out in the sun) and wait until all those worlds fade away so that life can regain a sense of normality, once more. But one thing is certain, when those inner worlds flood us to the very bones of our cores, one never comes out of the experience the same. They bring change, evolution, and a natural blossoming that seems to shed old skin and allows for new layers of beauty and significance to emerge.
Picture taken in the weekend, here.