A note on Alice, from Christopher’s journal:
” She sets my heart on fire. She finds hidden spaces in me I didn’t even know existed, and she drives me completely mad because she always wants more. It’s like she knows everything I tell her is already incomplete before I even finished saying it… she knows I have more, that I am more. She doesn’t know it yet but she needs time: time to be, to understand, to grow into this exploding feeling. I think I know her better than she knows herself… and that is probably the most fucking amazing thing about her: she has no clue how perfectly beautiful she is. She is completely oblivious to everything except these dreams of hers and these lives of people such as artists and musicians she so much admires. She lives in stories…. in all of those thousands of books she has read and then she lives in a bubble land, where things are blissful and where there is no harm and no bitterness. I knew that place too, long ago… and now… I have it again, with her. We live there… as we walk around, as we sit in silence, as we chase the day through the streets of London. I’ll wait as long as she fucking wants. She is obsessed with art, and she doesn’t even realise that she is the best kind of Art that could ever exist…. full of beautiful imperfections that make up this sort of magical whole. I can look at her from all the angles ever imagined, and still something new and beautiful would emerge. She likes talking about theories and ideas. I don’t give a crap about what we talk about, as long as I can just see her speak and watch as she gets overly excited about some new idea, or as she gets highly confused by her own chain of millions of questions that emerge out of nothing. I love it all…. I don’t give a shit about anything like that. I am not passionate about the universe’s laws, and I am not interested in the new ideas of spirituality. I am just interested in being with her. That’s all I want… to loose ourselves in conversation, in hidden looks, in shy retreats and in hidden smiles. I see all of her…. all of the time, and I don’t give a rats ass about how crazy that is, because it’s the only thing that is real now. I thought I was mad… but my madness makes perfect sense, because she exists with me there. I was always displaced, but with her…. I find my corner in the world once more. She is lying beside me… sleeping. She makes this sweet smile when she sleeps and makes me want to wish I was there with her, in that smile land of hers. But I am not… not yet at least. Sleep does not come. What else could be said? About this magnetising creature that has come into my life and turned it completely the right way up? Everything…. But that smile is calling me, so I will curl up beside her, hold her, and find that dream land of hers so we can be together once again.”
Picture above is a Rodin sculpture.