art, On my mind

Shutting down vs. Being all in

In writing, in creating and pretty much in  every single action that defines life, there are always two possible choice that define the way we do things: we can be shut down emotionally and psychologically, or, we can be all in. The first involves an inability to connect, to truly give, to really feel things at all; a rational choice… it is a sort of detachment that allows us to keep ourselves safe in the midst of chaos. It is acceptable in some situations, like doing reports that are incredibly boring (we really do need to shut down emotionally to get them done) or in things that are so crazy intense we have to shut down parts of ourselves so that we can actually cope and make it through the day (ie. morning someone loved). But apart from that, shutting down usually means something much deeper than the action actually implies. When we shut down we are avoiding a connection, a deeper contact. We are keeping ourselves outside of the situation at hand… we are detaching and escaping, so that we can be safe and protected. People shut down from involvement for so many reasons, but usually it just means a fear of opening up, of staring truth in the face, or of getting hurt. On the opposite side, being all in, implies a real engagement. We have to open up what we have and don’t have, we have to be uncomfortable in some situations and be brave as we face fear, we have to dwell into our deepest corners of the soul and we have to linger on there, where it hurts. It is damn hard work indeed… but it is the only way. It is the only way to really go through life at all.  We really do need to chase our stars…. not run away from them. No matter how hard it costs. Specially as creators…. because without doing so, all our creations (paintings, poems, writing, whatever it may be) will always be so far from being good. It is this depth of soul, this engagement, that allows things to be truly significant. Of course not every person is willing to give it all they have, every single day, but that is the price to pay for something amazing to occur. In relationships too, it is the same… I guess if we don’t have that ability, to give all we can give, to suffer and bleed, to long and to crave, then we don’t deserve to create a masterpiece at all…. we don’t deserve that endless love, in the slightest. It will fly away, and look for someone else, to hum the sweetest words in their ears: ‘’ Here my darling, sit by side, I’ll hold your hand as I show you how beautiful and devastating this life can be.’’. Nobody can be like Hercules and not be brave,  love like Athena and not delve into the depths of all emotions. So it leaves…. ‘’ Have it your way… ‘’ As for me, I’ve learnt my lesson and now I always say yes… yes to the being all in, always, even if it hurts. So when inspiration, love, and adventures come knocking I always say: ‘’Come my darling… I’m not afraid. ‘’. It’s hard sometimes, of course it is. To suffer so deep and to fly so highly… to feel so much and to long so hardly. But it doesn’t matter. The other side of that coin is numbness which for me, is simply unacceptable. I choose fire…. I choose full on devotion. I wouldn’t have it any other way…

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