Fiction

Stars shining in the darkness

 

There are millions of trillions of stars shining up above us at every minute, but we need the darkness to see some of them clearly. Without the darkness, the light doesn’t shine. Cities filled with the bright lights of modernity and civilisation obfuscate their glowing nature. To be fully seen, one needs to drive into the wilderness, where there are no traces of humanity… only shadows of dancing trees, the smell of musk and wood and the faint sound of the endless woods humming in the background.

I don’t know if it was the stars or the woods that called me that night, but that’s where I found myself: surrounded by trees, far away from humanity within the heart of wilderness, completely alone, listening to the humming of the forest and gazing at the stars.

It’s funny… stars are held together by their own gravity force. Isn’t that funny and weird all at the same time? Do we, hold ourselves too, with our own gravity force, like the stars? It sure didn’t feel like it, back then. If I were a star, back then, that night, I was a dark dying star ready to explode out of existence forever…. It didn’t feel like I had any gravity force at all… let along strength to shine. But I wasn’t a star… I was still, just me.

Lying there… in the forest, absorbing those winds in the dark hollow night, somehow made me feel like the stars were scattering their gold dust down to earth, right into me. And all those empty devoid emotions that had been flooding my existence simply started disappearing, one by one. I opened my eyes and tried to find the Northern Star. My star… All the stars were so bright it took me a while to locate it, but there she was. Sparkling like no other, just for me. I smiled and prayed to God for everything I could imagine.

We do need the darkness to see the stars…. and that day wasn’t any exception. But gradually, as time went by, and as those golden magical dusts continued falling into me, I started to see all the stars of my life again. I smiled. One by one, minute by minute… they all came back to me. And whatever it was that was covering up my soul, soon, was long gone.

I smiled and once again I could see clearly… everything. My whole life was shining and sparkling in front of my eyes, just like that beautiful majestic starry night was dazzlingly sparkling in that dark night in those empty woods. I felt myself again. My true self.

There I stayed…. Me, Myself, the Stars and God, in a strange and beautiful conversation that can never be put into words. I stayed…. and stayed… until everything that was in my life had vanished completely and I had become somehow part of heaven … dissolved into that beautiful landscape…. until I had become nothing….

28

Picture taken in Zermatt two years ago.

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