Sometimes, when I sit still enough and when I gaze just enough into the infinite that lives inside of me, I can find something that I never thought would even be possible to exist. Just sometimes, when I get lost just enough into oblivion, when I find that space within me that is hollow yet pure, I actually find something that cannot be put into words at all. It doesn’t happen often at all, only once in a while… but those moments, those silent moments filled with nothing of this world, are the moments I live for. They come in softly, completely imperceptible at first, and then I have to wait… and then I have to wait some more. And in that waiting, something expands out there and in here. And then… I still have to wait even more. Naked. I just sit there, in stillness… just enough awake that life opens up, and just barely asleep, so that the mind doesn’t come crawling in, ruining everything. Then I breathe and wait a little longer. Eventually… those imperceptible energies become stronger and just a little bit louder, vibrating at a pace that is no longer really elusive. After that… after a long while… I find it. That space… where life lives, where eternity gazes back into us, and where heaven is a reality. I find it pulsating in my veins and echoing in the sounds of my heartbeat. I find it inside of me… but it really isn’t there at all, it just echoes as if it lived underneath my skin. It’s beautiful… astoundingly blissful and everlastingly expanding, and I wish I could stay there forever and ever. But as soon as my thoughts come alive, because of a sound, a movement, or a breathing that goes just a little too deeply, it’s all lost…. Pufff…. Lost into nothing. I close my eyes tightly and wish for it to come again, but it never does. It will only occur in another day… maybe in another week, maybe in another month… hopefully before another year… who knows. But until then… I hold it so close inside of me so that it never fades away. This energy… that expands worlds, and that can’t ever be described by words at all. I hold it inside of me… deep inside my heart and in the hidden corners of my soul.
Picture above taken in Barcelona, in February of 2016.
Sarah Frances Dias