thoughts

Calling me to Heaven

 

In the stillness of the night, when everyone is fast asleep in their own beds, curled up in their own lives… I try to close my eyes and fall asleep, but there is something that doesn’t let me… there is something  out there that keeps me up… as I hear it’s call from underneath the covers. It’s a sweet call, like a soft melody at the distance, but one I have grown used to. So, finally, I get up… and I follow those sweet sounds, calling me from outside and from within. I go to the balcony and take in the cold wind in my face. It’s cool and fresh, and my skin quivers a little. There is not a sound to be heard, not a living being to be seen: all there is, out there is the open void and that sweet calling of the night, of the moon and of the stars… Besides that emptiness, and that melody, that calling… there is me, standing there, feeling small yet, somehow, powerful. It’s as if the city has faded away into oblivion and all that remains are these traces of heaven, that call me and call me. I stand there frozen, taking it all in, hearing the sounds beating within me, listening to the melody that comes with the night, watching the stars glowing, hearing the wind touching the leaves of these tall trees below me, and gazing at the life of the moon. Whatever it is that calls me…. every single black night when the stars are shining, it calls me deeply into… heaven. As I stand there, in that balcony, half naked, half asleep… I understand… once again, that… that beautiful melody, comes from heaven…. and as I hear it, softly… as I watch the physical materialization of that melody in the magic of the stars and the moon… I just wish that I belonged there. Somewhere, there, between the stars…. I just wish that I could live there, in that sound, in that glow, in that stillness… I open my eyes and sight deeply. It just calls me to heaven…. but I am still, here on earth. ‘ Goodnight Heaven… I have to go to sleep… ‘. I go back to bed and wipe the tears off my face. It’s funny how happiness is always so close to sadness.  I guess this condition is just the bitter part of this gift that hears Heaven: blessed to be so close to hearing perfection, yet doomed to be still tied to earth. I close my eyes and smile…. The music still calls outside… But this time, I just let it lullaby me into the deepest sleep. In sleep, I had a dream that I was actually there… living in between the stars, with the moon. When I wake up, I take a picture of myself, and write these words… and lock both of them inside my heart, so that I never forget.

 

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